Future Goals

I just wrote a personal statement for a small scholarship where the instructions said, "include current research interests and future goals."

Too bad I can't include things like

• get over this cold
  
• catch up on laundry
  
• get said scholarship
• graduate
• get a job
• read the entire Bible
  
• have a family
• travel to every continent
• lose 5 lbs
• run a half marathon
• take better photos
  

I have all sorts of future goals. Too bad they only care about my (somewhat uncertain) career goals. Reading umpteen statements that only discuss future career goals sounds boring. Little goals are important too - sometimes they're what get me through the day.

Word of the Day

Struggle bus.

My sister used the term the other night, and confirming how ancient and out-of-touch I am, my response was pretty much, "struggle what?" Little Sister was asking me if she was a bad person for encouraging her friend to come to school late to she could get her a donut. I told her most emphatically, YES, what the hell are you thinking??

Little Sister: Oh. Really? I don't think it is. I'm really craving one right now. And she's contemplating skipping 1st/2nd period anyway because she's a huge struggle bus right now. I dunno, I just really want a donut.

Me: A huge what?

Little Sister: Man, I really want my license.

Me: What does, "she's a huge struggle bus right now" mean??

Little Sister: Haha just, you know. A struggle bus. Like a hot mess. Like seriously struggling, having a really rough time. You've never heard me use struggle bus? Because I'm usually aboard it. There's a specific one for the [high school she goes to] community of strugglers.

Me: I've never heard the term struggle bus.

Little Sister: Yeah. It's pretty just...emotionally encompassing.

Me: Hahahhahaa. K8 and I are in hysterics. I just told her about the expression "struggle bus."

Little Sister: But don't you agree? It's a genius term.

Me: It is. I like it.

Little Sister: Now you'll use it. And spread it to all your little friends. Who will use it. And soon everyone will be struggle busing together. It's a beautiful word - an adjective, a noun, a verb. It's a chameleon word.

Oh my. Looking for a credible source to confirm this, K8 and I turned to urbandictionary.com, which sure enough, had the term with a similar meaning, although somewhat more literal. Thank you, Little Sister, for this valuable contribution to my education...

Recruits can be so cute sometimes.

Last recruiting story, I promise (for a few weeks until the next one anyways).

Sunday morning all the prospective students fly home. Late that morning, E shows up at their hotel to take the last group of them to the airport, when a couple of guys come down to the lobby carrying a case of beer. When she looks confused, they explain that they felt so bad that Dallas (who did all the late night bar and party driving) couldn't drink with them all weekend (no drinking at all when you're driving university vehicles), that they bought him a case of beer. The only problem was, they didn't know how to get it to him. E laughed and told them they did a good job thinking this through, and that she could bring Dallas the beer the next day. How cute and funny is that? The recruits bought a grad student a case of beer because he hadn't been able to drink with them all weekend. Here's for hoping those guys actually decide to come here...

You're Fired!!

One of my classmate and I are in charge of recruiting, scheduling, and coordinating all the driving for recruiting weekends. We use 15 passenger vans to shuttle the recruits where they need to go as well as out for social activities. The grad program coordinator give us a fair amount of authority in all this, including some say in who can and can't drive. For whatever reason, it's not uncommon to have people volunteer who are either supremely creepy or have a track record of being irresponsible. Since we depend upon them pretty heavily to show up where and when they're supposed to and we don't want them making the recruits uncomfortable, we've started being a bit more selective about who we allow to drive over the past year or so.

Apparently now we have to add terrible driving and general jack@$$-ness to the list of things to watch out for. There was one driver in particular who a track record for being a creep and a jack@$$, but he's a 3rd year and had never been a problem around recruits before, so we let it slide. However, Friday night I started hearing all sorts of complaints about what a terrible driver he is. Later that night he and Dallas took some of the recruits out to a bar. Dallas (having heard and witnessed the terrible driving) left him an easy parking spot when they got to the bar. What does Captain Dumb@$$ do? He decides it would be funny to pull his van around the other side of Dallas' already parked van so closely that the students in Dallas' van wouldn't be able to get out. Yes, hilarious, and oh so mature. Except he freaking sideswiped Dallas' van, leaving visible damage to both vehicles. What an idiot!! FIRED!!!

Let's say I took the keys from him when I got to the bar and removed him of his driving duties for the next day. Fortunately the students laughed about it and made fun of his stupidity for the rest of the weekend, although they were understandably reluctant to ride with him again.

Why You Should Not Bring Your Parent with You to Visit Graduate Schools

Bottom line: because it make you look bad. Sometimes, really, really bad.

Our first of two recruiting weekends was this past weekend, and we had not one, but two students show up with their fathers. Along with getting obliterated the night before and being visibly hungover at faculty interviews, being blatantly racist or homophobic, or being whiny and demanding, bringing your parent(s) with you on grad school recruiting visits is a giant "no-no." (I'm not the only one out there who thinks so.)

Every now and then we've had students come with a parent, but the parents have never before actually attended all the weekend's events with their child. For example, last year we had the crazy case of a 17 year old being admitted. I get that his mom came with him, he wouldn't have been able to check into the hotel room by himself. (Not that the understandable reason stopped us from mocking him behind his back.) Most of the time a parent comes with their kid to Tucson they come to maybe the first and last dinner of the weekend, but otherwise spend the weekend playing golf or something - not going to poster sessions and department tours!

The guy that came this weekend - he and his dad were actually ok. He was polite, interested in talking to grad students, and seemed to be able to function with out his father. His dad was friendly, and even though he wanted to attend all sorts of events, he made sure we knew that he didn't want to intrude, and had no expectation of attending the interviews with faculty Saturday morning. I think he just wanted an excuse to leave the cold, snowy weather and hang out with his son.

The girl and her dad however? Ho. Ly. Crap. I'll find out next week, but I'm 99% sure she's not going to get a financial offer. The students that we invite for recruiting weekend have already been admitted, however their financial offer is not determined until after we meet them. Not making a financial offer is (almost always) an effective way to discourage socially inept and/or terrible people from coming - basically to correct for the shortcomings that weren't evident on paper.

Her dad was the epitome of overbearing, controlling parent. When given the chance to chat with current grad students and ask questions (something at least as important as talking to the professors) she passed and sat in the corner with her dad. He actually got ANGRY when he was told (and he had to be told!) that he could not attend his daughter's individual meetings with faculty. Really dude? Are you going to attend her job interviews, too? Perhaps come to the lecture hall with her the first Thursday night of every month for the cume?

She was a stuck up little brat, too, for lack of a better description. Friday there's a poster session, after which all the recruits are supposed to list 6 faculty with whom they'd like to talk further the next morning. She only listed 2. As usually happens when students don't list 6 (but they're almost always close at least, sheesh), we fill in the rest of their schedule with other faculty from their division of interest. Saturday morning, she AND her dad both threw fits when they discovered that she had been assigned additional meetings! (Her dad still came to campus with her even after being told he couldn't attend the meetings. The guy's dad was smart enough to hang out at the hotel for the morning.) At that point our grad program coordinator had had it with them and said fine, don't go, but perhaps you should realize that these are the people that will be teaching your classes, writing and grading your cumes, and sitting on your dissertation committee. (i.e. It would be in your best interest to be polite and professional!!!)

At that point both she and her father tried to backtrack and hem and haw like "oh we didn't know that..." Like that's any excuse. First, if you don't at least realize that you will be taking classes from these professors, you're a moron and/or had crappy advisors in undergrad. And second, at the very least you should show some shred of professionalism!!! What is wrong with these people!? I'm guessing that this girl is sufficiently dysfunctional to have wound up without a financial offer even if she had come on her own, but bringing her overbearing, pushy, and rude father with her was shooting herself in the foot.

When prospective grad students come to campus, we (and by "we" I mean faculty, relevant staff, current grad students, and particularly the people from each category on the admissions committee) want to see that the recruits are interested and engaged in the science that goes on here, have the communication and social skills to explain what they currently do and/or are interested in doing, and are reasonably polite and professional in their interactions. Getting a PhD is all about becoming an independent researcher and scientist. If you can't get through this weekend without your parent half a step behind to beat up anybody who doesn't give you your way, you're not going to fare well in grad school. Do you think the professors are going to respond well to an angry phone call from daddy when you fail a cume? Even if you did beat the extremely low odds and manage function on your own, everybody around you will make fun of you mercilessly behind your back for being unable to make your own decision about this at age 20-something. This girl will forever be known as the brat with the overbearing father.

This rant doesn't mean that your parents can't be involved in your decision-making process. I included my parents, but by "included" I mean I called home a day or two after each trip I made to tell them about what I liked or didn't like and to hash-out general impressions. Once my parents realized I wasn't moving any closer to them, they didn't care where I went beyond my relative happiness there. When I had narrowed it down and was debating between two schools I discussed pros/cons with both of my parents over a few more phone calls. They both have advanced degrees, so they offered input where relevant, but other than declaring that a dry heat can't possibly be all its cracked up to be, never pushed me one way or another. Actually to this day I don't know if they secretly had a preference which school I chose.

After this ridiculous encounter with these people I actually wrote my parents an email thanking them for letting me do $h!t on my own and figure things out for myself. Thanks to their not holding my hand every bit of the way I came out of the grad school application process with a far better offer than I ever would have if they had.

Tart Fail

I have loads to say about recruiting weekend, probably more than ever before, but until I get a chance to write all that out, here's a photo that proves things don't always come out as I'd like in the kitchen:

Oops.

Some Damn Mountain

Last night my sister called and asked if I had time to help her with her chemistry homework.

Little Sister: I called you like 3 times this morning, but your phone was off.
Me: Oh yeah, sorry. I was out hiking.
Little Sister: [audible eye roll] I figured you'd be out on some damn mountain.

Ventana Canyon

Went hiking this morning in Ventana Canyon, which is part of the Catalinas on the north side of Tucson. Very nice, easy hike with a spectacular view back on Tucson.





The borrowed/adopted puppy came with us.

Contrary Children

E sent me this funny editorial from Analytical Chemistry comparing authors to "contrary children":

Murray, R. "Skillful writing of an awful research paper." Anal. Chem. 2011, 83(3), 633.

As usual, imaginary readers, let me know if you'd like the paper but don't have access.

2 more days...

Two more days until this abstract is submitted. I can do it. Just 2 more days. And then I can go back to a normal level of busy for a few months.

I'll spare you a full-on list of random ways to kill time between spectra, as tonight it'll be shorter and less interesting (literature searching, an episode of Teen Mom 2, abstract drafting, convincing a 2nd year that life really does get better post-oral despite the late nights I'm pulling now, data analyzing, and more capillary pulling) since I'm determined to get home and to bed at a "reasonable" time (that will probably still technically be tomorrow).

In other news, it's FREEZING in Tucson. Holy crap. I swear it hasn't been this cold in the 3 1/2 years I've lived here. Today was the first time I wore a winter coat out during the day. We didn't hit 40 today, and probably won't tomorrow either. We spent most of today in the 30s with a wind chill about 10 degrees colder. Definitely not looking forward to the 20 degree low (plus that annoying wind chill) by time I finally get out of here tonight...

Two more days...

How to Kill Time between Spectra Late at Night, Volume 2

• Catch up on GReader
• Discover somebody took my greens. Seeing as one office mate won't touch vegetables with a 10 ft pole and that another office mate leaves containers in the fridge for weeks at a time, assume culprit to be new first year. Eat mashed potatoes & turnips for dinner.
• Read paper draft for former labmate
• Watch last night's episode of The Bachelor on Hulu (I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that one, but there's something fascinating and horrifying and funny about watching crazy women throw themselves at a not-awesome guy.)
• Freak out over conference abstract that's due in 3 days
• Spot-check and analyze data to make decisions for subsequent spectra
• Learn fascinating new vocabulary on Facebook - shack shock: to be shocked upon discovery that two people are shacking up (Thanks, Katharine!)
• Chat with Little Sister. Be informed that chemistry is "really dumb."
• Text message my aunt. (Cracks. Me. Up. that my aunts text message.)
• Discuss data and experiments with labmate
• Do dishes
• Get latte and talk boys with friend who's also working late
• Look at tomorrow's produce list. Become depressed over how many greens we're going to get. Hope spring comes soon.
• Take a Briggs-Meyers personality test. Assuming the outcome is "accurate," sincerely hope that this assessment is inaccurate.
• Walk with friend at midnight to move her car from the garage to behind the building
• Pull capillaries
• Be jealous of the rest of the country's snow day(s)
• Gripe about how sore my back is. Ponder relative contributions of old age, late night, and being tackled at softball last night.
• Stock pipette tips
• Chat with friends living on other continents